The ramblings of an evolving woman

howdoiputthisgently:

(forgive my phone typing)

Today I deactivated my Facebook page. Don’t know how long it will stay that way. Deactivated.

And because I felt the need to declare it, that makes it a very scary statement. In retrospect. I mean that’s almost like a smoker saying “I’m no longer going to smoke crack”. It feels so monumental…a life changing event of epic proportions. Was I truly so addicted/connected?

Yes.

On my laptop, desktop, phone, Xbox, play station…. Facebook on my Pinterest and Twitter and Flipbook, yes even my Tumblr. Manage my page and the 3 pages at work and my poet’s page, help the hub and the kids and…and… Like, poke, post, check-in, farm, help, request.

Talking around my house sounds more and more like this (exaggerated reenactment of an actual conversation):

Hub: “Did you see that post I made 5 seconds ago?”
Me: “um…no dear, I’m sitting next to you why not just tell me?”
Hub: “it’s really funny, you should read it.”
Me: “but I’m sitting right here”
Hub: “I know, you should log in and read it.”
INSERT MEME WTF EXPRESSION HERE.

No matter what we do or where we are everything from the intimate to the mundane makes its way to “the book”. Mad? Post it. Date night? Post it.  ”RIP JOE” is posted before the family is even fully notified. Everything, anything…post it.  It’s like a damn circus out there.  

Nothing is kept private; hell, not even private, there is nothing held sacred any more. Nothing done just for the sake of doing it but rather for the sake of trying to see how many “likes” you can get.

Freakin’ Narcissistic, self-absorbed, egotistical case of voyeurism at its best…over 1/2 a billion people and everybody is screaming, “look at me”. Sigh. Don’t get me wrong, I definately see the business and the money and the family connections. And despite all the geek in me… I’m ready to start unplugging.  One app at a time one day at a time.  Addicted and there is no rehab. Lol.

(don’t believe the hype)

In all truthfulness….I can’t wait for THIS Valentine’s to be over with.  Yes, I have a husband, whom I love very much, and enjoy the whole “theme” of all that is “today”.  But this year… this Valentine’s… all this sappy stuff is over-kill on my senses. I make no apologies for how I feel, and what I write is less to explain myself and more to vent.  I will defenatly be watching a horror movie when I get home, sometimes I need a break from myself let alone all the mush.

Especially considering that I woke up at 3am today, horrified because I was dreaming that God had a message for me.  It was being delivered through a now deceased loved one, who told me to get ready to take notes - they had a lot to say and not a lot of time, I grab a steno book and pen, they say what they had to tell me wasn’t good, and instead of being obedient I forced myself to wake up because I didn’t want to hear it.  I couldn’t go back to sleep for guilt’s chilling grasp had me.  

I have only dreamt of the deceased on three other occassions that I can remember.  My Great Grand father told me that my baby would be a boy and he would have long red hair and my big ol’ ears when I was still pregnant - before I even knew what I was having.  I dreamt of my Great Grand mother - who warned me about jumping into a swimming pool that happened to be riddled with mini whirl pools.  She said to keep out of the water because it was too clean when in my eyes it was dirty.  And I dreamt of my great uncle “Candy”, who pushed me off the rail road tracks to save me from an oncoming train.  

The dream I had last night tho was too, too much.  ”Jamie” (I guess that’s gender neutral) came in and woke me up from my sleep, in my dream, greeted me, we exchanged hugs and kisses and it was all to real - and they pointed to my grand mother (who was acting like a kid, playing with toys and gigling and jumping all over the place) they said “it’s not good Shara” and I’m not gonna lie or even sugar coat it, it scared the crap outta me.  I tried to go back to sleep to see if I could pick up where I left off (its been done before), but fear had such a grip on me that I was too scared to even do that.  And here it is 1:15pm and I’m still iggin’.  Wanting to know what that missed message was. *shudder*

UGH… I can’t wait for tomorrow! 

Happy MLK birthday!  Happy birthday to my niece!  Happy day off from work that doesn’t really feel like a day off from work due to all the work that has to be done.

So today I was asked by my schmoopie to come up with a list of goals for 2011, he added, “and your list is my list, so what ever you put down counts for me too”. Gee, thanks Love.  That small statement, said in a jokingly way, has given me the worlds biggest brain fart, trying to come up with all the things that this family has to do for an entire year is a lot of pressure to put on one person’s shoulders.

How dare you! (In walks Selfish-Girl - cue theme music) I have my simple and traditional goals set.  Lose weight, go back to school, take a family cruise.  There, all done.  I figure why make a list that’s ten miles long when those three by themselves will be challenging enough.  So, I guess this, my first blog, will be a brainstorming session of all the mundane and major things I’d like to have my family accomplish before the year is done.  And being the Virgo that I am, I’m breaking it down into quarters — so anal.

1st Quarter (aka Due April 1, 2011)

1. from our tax refund — put aside $500 — non touchable account — investigate.
2. **if possible** pay off washer & dryer
3. attend church regularly
4. buy plastic totes — sort through everything in the basement and secure it before the winter thaw
5. trade in van for something more eco/money friendly — compact suv maybe
6. continue to work on p90x
7. tires for van if not traded in by Feb.
8. full check-ups for entire family (dental, eye, health)
9. Special “us” day
10. $50-150 per week for vacation — sacrifice!
11. find some way of organizing movies
12. get total price for September vacation
13. rearrange living room furniture
14. buy a nook
15. Chicago for Trey’s birthday - renaissance dinner theater
16. pay down as many bills as possible

2nd Quarter (due July 1st  — ok, I know we all know when the 2nd quarter ends — this is just a mental marker)

1. attend church regularly
2. full tune-ups & summer prep on both cars if not traded in van
3. Visit Mom
4. continue to work on p90x
5. Special “us” day
6. Invest in reliable lawn care or lawn mower
7. girl/boy day for kids — for excellence in school: possible craig’s cruisers, indoor water park for all or spa, movies, shopping, laser tag - separately
8. $50-150 per week for vacation — sacrifice!
9. _______________________
10. _______________________
11. _______________________
12. _______________________

3rd Quarter (due October 1st)

1. attend church regularly
2. continue to work on p90x
3. Vacation — Cruise!!
4. Register for fall semester
5. Anniversary - Cleveland??
6. buy uniforms early!
7. Plan for holidays - Thanksgiving, Christmas - clothes & gift certificates only
8. After vacation - look into buying home
9. Winterize both cars
10. _______________________
11. _______________________
12. _______________________

4th Quarter (January 1, 2012)

1. attend church regularly
2. Winterize house
3. Christmas — put up lights this year.
4. Special “us” day
5. New Years with the kids
6. make a new list
7. register for winter semester
8. _______________________
9. _______________________
10. _______________________

That’s it… another blank mind session has crept its way upon me.  There are plenty of blanks awaiting Schmoopie’s input, we’ll see what he has to say, but I think I’ve got the basics and the not-so-basics covered. My next step will be to prioritize everything.  Thank God for “another day’s”.  For lack of calculating for emergencies, I’m praying that this year goes as smoothly as last’s.

I’m also not so sure about the fall semester of school, with the cruise taking place right in the beginning of the semester, I just don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. Sigh, and double sigh. Family first, and while a cruise isn’t a necessity, taking a family vacation is.  The kids are getting older (triple sigh) so we’ve got to get this time in before those teenage hormones kick in.   Lord knows we don’t want to have one of those Oswald Vegas-style get-a-ways. I tickle me.